I think our stories hold so much power. They’re doorways to connection, understanding, and inspiration.
At least, that’s what I’ve found when I hear other people’s stories. And it’s part of what it felt important for me to share my own.
The other part is that I figure if I’m asking you to trust me with your transformative journey in some capacity–whether it be on this blog, in a reading, or wherever you may find me–you might want to know a little more about me.
This post is going to be a long one, but what you really need to know is this: If you’re a soul seeker, creator, or highly sensitive person, I get it. I get you.
No matter where you are on your journey, I can almost guarantee you that I’ve been there. Maybe not in quite the same way since our aspirations, projects, and experiences may be different. But the feelings you’re feeling, I’ve almost surely felt too.
I’ve been through the struggles of taking the leap, finding my footing, and discovering my voice. I’ve felt the uncertainty of what to do next as I found my creative process and the undercurrent of panic that comes when you burn down a mainstay in your life and start over.
I’ve known incredible creative successes. I’ve seen my wildest dreams come true. And I’ve had things not pan out the way I’d hoped. I’ve been disappointed, blocked, redirected, and reignited.
I’ve trusted my intuition and doubted my intuition. I’ve let it guide me to incredible places. And I’ve set my intuition aside and ignored it so thoroughly that I thought I needed to “discover” it, instead of needing to reconnect.
In the end, it was discovering tarot that completely elevated my life in all of these areas. I never saw it coming!
If you want to know the specifics and details of my journey, keep reading!
Growing Up with Big Dreams
I was born with an active imagination. As a kid, I had a slew of imaginary friends. When I played with my barbie dolls, there was a story being told and a script the adults playing with me were expected to follow.
I loved stories and books from a very young age. When I was in third grade I was introduced to creative writing and quickly fell in love.
When I reached high school, I started writing my first book, which I intended to publish. That didn’t end up happening, but it’s what I consider the true start of my creative life.
Writing made me feel alive in a way I’d never experience, and being an author became my dream and goal.
I was lucky that my parents encouraged it. (I knew I was lucky then, but I have an even grater appreciation for this as an adult.)
I wrote my second book in college and then went on to get an MFA in Creative Writing.
While I worked on my MFA, I also worked as a substitute teacher at a local high school. After I graduated, I became a writing tutor at my local community college.
And while I enjoyed both of those jobs, working for someone else, getting paid a salary/hourly wage, and keeping a schedule didn’t feel authentic to me or aligned with my soul.
I knew I wasn’t meant to live the life that society drives us towards. It just didn’t feel right.
It wasn’t for me.
It’s another reason why I wanted to be an author. It meant getting myself out of the 9-5/”employed” life, which I badly wanted.
I also came to realize on my quest for publication that when I’m writing, I feel like the freest and most pure version of myself.
The act of creating brings me so much joy that I realized even if I never got published, I’d always write. The process itself enriched my life in such an extreme way that I knew I’d be unhappy without it.
But with that said, I still wanted writing to be my job. It meant I’d get to give most of my time and energy to creating and not working for someone else, which was really my priority.
The book I wrote in high school, I look at as my practice book. The second book I wrote in college I went onto revise in grad school. That’s really where I found my voice.
I tried to get an agent with that book, but nothing came of it.
But as they say, the third time is the charm!
A Creative Dream Come True
In 2014 I signed with an agent who sold my third book to a major publisher. Actually, she sold my TWO books in the same deal! (The completed one and the next book in the series that I still had to write.)
I’m going to write a separate post detailing my journey to publication because it’s a pretty big Law of Attraction Success Story.
But for now, I’ll say it was an absolutely incredible and rewarding experience. Walking into a book store and actually finding my book there–face out!–truly was a dream come true.
However, it was actually a little bit too good to be true–in the sense that it was too good and exciting for me to handle.
I didn’t know it then, but it turns out I’m a Highly Sensitive Person. I’ll get into that later in the post, but part of this means my nervous system is more prone to overstimulation and overwhelm than the average person.
I was so wound up with excitement during this experience that I had a hard time sleeping on a regular basis, which is so not me! I knew it was because I was excited, but I kept waiting for myself to calm down. I never really did.
That, plus all the life changes and newness this experience had brought, made me constantly overstimulated and borderline overwhelmed. And once my nervous system was heightened, I started to get anxious and worried about things that I never had before.
I suddenly cared about how frequently I was posting on social media, if what I was saying was good enough, if my book would do well, etc.
In the past, I’ve always been pretty good at releasing the things I can’t control. I also didn’t give much thought to what other people thought of me. That wasn’t the life I was living now.
And I’ll be honest, it didn’t feel good.
I didn’t go into publishing thinking every aspect was going to be a delight. I did my research. There were enough authors being honest on social media about their frustrations with aspects of the industry. I had some idea of what I was signing up for.
What I didn’t anticipate was how I would respond in this situation. And as someone who’s pretty good at anticipating how I’ll react to things, that took me by surprise.
I had never experienced my nervous system in this extremely heightened state, especially for such an extended period of time.
Looking back, I think it’s fair to say was riding an overstimulated roller coaster that fluctuated between excitement and anxiety. It started when my agent offered to represent me in July 2014, and it didn’t start to ease up until my first book came out in April 2016.
I remember crashing hard the night my book came out. I knew before that moment I wasn’t really okay, but I didn’t realize just how wound up I’d been or how okay I wasn’t–for nearly two whole years–until that night.
(But please know, if you, too, have publishing dreams, don’t let my unaware, ungrounded experience dissuade you. I intend to publish again. It’ll just with more awareness of myself and what I need, and from a very different mental perspective.)
Learning What I Really Want
My publisher had the option for more books from me. About six months after my first book came out, I learned they were not going to exercise that option.
My books were well loved, but they were poorly promoted and ultimately didn’t sell enough.
It was definitely disappointing, but honestly, I was also so burnt out that it was also a relief.
I knew a needed the time to calm down and heal, and that wasn’t going to happen if I had to write another book. I also questioned how good a book written in under those conditions would have been.
I love writing, so I’ll always keep doing it. And I intend to keep publishing. But I learned that living in a world where publishing is my sole income wasn’t going to bring me the creative and financial freedom my soul craved.
I think publishing will be a wonderful addition to my life, but based on my experience, I decided it was more important to my soul and my nervous system that I have alternative ways of making money. This way I can be more comfortable and able to set the boundaries I need to set within the publishing industry.
So, I took some time to heal and really calm my nervous system (lots of yoga, walks, and meditation got me through my initial period). Then I set about transforming my life.
Making money online
All of this led me to the desire to take the unconventional route and make money online. The most accessible to me at the time was blogging.
I still didn’t know I’m highly sensitive, but I did know I’m an introvert. This gave me some idea of my energy levels, and I knew mine were still seriously low and needed time to recover.
I needed something where I could create helpful content and it could be consumed without having to connect too deeply or directly with my audience.
I simply too drained for anything more at the time.
I could handle blog comments, but social media and anything that required regular customer service felt like more than I had to offer.
I started two blogs. The first was a writing blog in 2017. It never got enough traffic to monetize, so I ended up closing it down after a couple of years.
This second was a blog I launched in 2019, which I recently sold! I blogged about a handful of topics, but my curly hair care and introvert life posts that got the most traffic, so those became the blog’s focus.
This blog was my second dream come true. It gave me a regular income working for myself and still gave me plenty of time to write and create. It also showed me real potential for making money online.
But as time went on, I started to realize I’ve shared most of what I have to say on these topics. I started to feel like I wanted to put my focus on something else, but I didn’t know what that would be.
Luckily, my intuition lead the way.
Discovering the Power of My Intuition
I believe your intuition connects you with your soul and the universe.
If I’m being honest, in the past, I was pretty good at listening to my intuition–at least when it really counted.
Even though I always wanted to be a writer, I’d heard all about the “realities” of being an artist and I thought I’d needed a day job. I loved school and learning, so naturally, I wanted to be a teacher. But towards the end of high school, my intuition pushed me away from that.
(I know a lot more about teaching now, and I know I dodged a bullet. The kids and the teaching I would have loved, but there’s a lot of behind the scenes politics and requirements that would not have been for me.)
I burned down that sure-footed path, and I entered college as a communications major with suddenly no idea of what I wanted to do when I graduated. But I had faith I’d have it figured it out when I needed to. And I did.
I was guided to the perfect graduate creative writing program that ultimately helped me get published.
When I write the post about my publishing journey, you’ll see my intuition also played a MASSIVE role in allowing that to happen.
But at the time, I didn’t realize this was my intuition. I didn’t have a name for what it was.
Despite my (accidental) success with my intuition for the big stuff, I was never great at listening to it on a smaller scale. If I was driving and faced with an unexpected fork in the road, I’d feel my intuition, but I rarely trusted it. And I almost always ended up lost.
After my publishing adventure, my nervous system was so wound up that I couldn’t hear my intuition quite as well for the bigger things anymore either. But a series of discoveries guided me back.
My Discoveries
In the midst of writing the second book for my publisher, I came across the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. If you haven’t come across this before, it’s a personality test. You can learn about the basics here, and/or take a free test here.
I found out I’m an INFJ and reading the description for the first time was eye opening. It explained so much about me and my personality. I felt seen.
Not everyone identifies with their type as deeply (which I also have a theory on, but that’s not for this post). However, mine really resonated for me. Learning more about my type has drastically improved my life and how I navigate the world.
I dove deep into my personality type after I finished my book and over the years I learned a lot. But there were two things specifically that I’d taken in but filed away with out much thought.
First, that INFJs typically had incredibly strong intuition. In fact, introverted intuition is one of our primary functions. And second, that most INFJs are also Highly Sensitive People.
I briefly read over what each of these things meant and saw they sounded like me. But I didn’t feel compelled to learn more about either of them at the time.
When I finally did, years later, understanding what it meant to be a Highly Sensitive Person made me feel seen on a whole new level. It explained why I could sense when something was off with someone, pick up on other people’s emotions, why bright lights and crowds always bothered me, and so much more.
The fact that actual scientific research had been done on this character trait and that this was something that was literally in my DNA absolutely blew my mind and changed my world.
I understood the response I had to my publishing experience. I also understood a lot of the responses I had throughout my life.
It also lead me to understand that the internal guidance I’d been dismissing lately wasn’t just a “gut feeling” with no basis. It was intuition, it was real, and I needed to listen to it.
(I’m going to talk a lot more about high sensitivity on this blog. I think also HSPs are one group that seriously benefit from living a soul-aligned life. I don’t see nearly enough spiritual content that talks about the research behind this trait.)
All of this led to the most important discovery of all.
The Discovery of All Discoveries
I had my HSP revelation towards the end of 2019, which led to the decision that I needed to develop my intuition.
In retrospect, I now realize that I’d once had strong intuition with some weak spots. But when my nervous system was in a constant state of overstimulation and overwhelm for nearly two years, I completely lost touch with my intuition and my soul all together.
But by January 2020, even though I had mostly calmed down and come back to myself, I was still so disconnected from my intuition that I thought I needed to “develop” it, instead of reconnect with it.
I truly had no awareness of just how connected I used to be, even with my everyday, fork-in-the-road weak spots.
I have a two friends that I meet with monthly. It started as a creative support group, but has evolved into so much more. We often share skills we want to develop or transformations we’d like to make in our lives and offer each other support and accountability.
When I shared that I wanted to develop my intuition, my friend Dana completely took me by surprise. She had semi-recently been to Salem and while she was there, she learned that tarot was a really good tool for intuition development.
She sent me on a tarot and intuitive journey I never expected.
I was surprised how quickly I took to the cards and just how much they really did help me get in touch with my intuition.
I was also blown away by how readings gave me the insights and clarity I needed to confidently move my life forward–especially with regard to creativity and the life transformations I was making.
In the past when I was breaking away from society, I always knew I was making the right choices for me. But I also knew (and was repeatedly told) that what I was doing was unconventional, so I can’t say I never had doubts.
Tarot changed that.
My Tarot Journey
Tarot is the only thing I’ve ever come across that feels as good to me as writing does; and I truly never thought anything would come close.
I knew I needed to learn more, so I set out to find teachers that aligned with. I was guided to Brigit Esselmont from Biddy Tarot. (My tarot journey could be another LOA success story post!)
Brigit has a very intuitive approach to teaching tarot, which was the first thing I gravitated to. She believes that a tarot reading isn’t intended to dictate your future. Instead, she prefers to use tarot as a guide to creating your best life.
As someone with a core value of autonomy, this was something I deeply resonated with.
I like that my intuition can make quality predictions (and you’ll get some in readings with me). But I also believe we all have free will.
So, as a reader, I’d rather the focus of my readings be on empowering you to create your future than telling you what’s going to happen in your future.
The more I learned about tarot, the more I fell in love with it.
I knew I needed to find a way to involve Tarot in my life on a daily basis. So I started reading for people for free through the Biddy Tarot Community.
As I did this, I came to realize that in the past few years I went from someone who was so low on energy I couldn’t handle more than blog comments, to someone who has the energy and desire to directly connect with other people’s energy through tarot.
In fact, I found joy in it! I loved what the cards and my intuition could do. I loved connecting with people and I loved the overwhelming amount of positive feedback I got from my readings.
Because at the heart of it, I loved knowing I was truly helping people.
This led me to see some real potential with tarot and start reading professionally in my community.
Before long, Foreshadow Intuitive Tarot was born.
My Next Big Transformation
It’s my next dream to own and build a sustainable online business. (So, entrepreneurs, I see you too!)
When it came time to define what I wanted the soul of Foreshadow Intuitive Tarot to be, I came back to my own core values: respect, autonomy, and well-being.
I came to realize that living my life in alignment with my creativity, sensitivity, and soul have been absolutely vital to my happiness and well-being.
I’m incredibly lucky that I’ve always been encouraged in that direction. I was respected enough by my parents and the people around me to be given autonomy over my life.
And despite any ups and downs I may have had, I can tell you, without question, that I have never truly been unhappy. Even my publishing anxiety was ultimately born out of too much excitement, so while I was too wound up and overstimulated, I wasn’t unhappy.
I know I’m not meant for a “normal” job. I’ve had them. They work well for some people. But I would be miserable if my life looks like society expects it too.
And I’ve seen so many people, both friends and strangers, navigating this misery. I’ve seen people who feel trapped in lives they don’t want and jobs they can’t stand, while their aspirations, creative dreams, and soul callings beg them for attention.
It actually hurts my heart.
Because I believe we should all respect ourselves (and each other!) enough to grant ourselves (and each other!) the autonomy to pursue the lives that align with our own happiness and well-being.
I think the path to that life is by prioritizing your dreams, talents, and soul-callings.
I also know what it look when you break free from society and honor your soul. I know how much better life can be when you do.
But I also know that path isn’t always easy. And the more unhappy and trapped you feel, the harder it is it get out.
There may be sacrifices and loss. You may disappoint people or let someone down in the process.
Despite this, I 100% believe that if you are at all called to something, it’s your ultimate path to freedom.
Since I’ve discovered tarot, I’ve learned to use the cards to trust myself and intuition with clarity and confidence. It has helped me navigate my dreams and my creative and soul journeys with a certainty and direction than I’ve ever experienced before.
It has helped me break free of society’s expectations and and transform my life into one that is wholly my own.
I believe I can do the same for you. In fact, I believe I’m meant to–whether it be in a blog post like this, on Instagram, through the newsletter, or in a reading–I aim to help you create your most free and authentic life.
I think the world is a better place when people are following their soul calling, creative ambitious, or embracing their sensitivities. And I would be honored to help you and play a role in your journey.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. If you identified with anything here, I’d love to know about it in the comments.
I hope to connect with you again soon! 💙
